I made the decision to start a blog because I have so much to say. Even though I'm working on a book, it's just taking too long and I have five years of pain and happiness that I want to share. I guess in today's age and time it's not crazy to put parts of your life on the World Wide Web, so I'm going to jump into this using the common sense God gave me and faith that this whole blog thing works out.
As I look back over my life, I can say without hesitation that I made my share of mistakes. I made bad choices and put myself in crazy situations, but through God's grace, I survived. Look at me and you'll see that it's true that God does look out for fools and babies! Oh Lord....that stories I could tell about the dumb things I took part in, but that's 'a whole nother' blog! LOL! If there's one thing that I'm most proud of is my decision to keep my baby almost six years ago. She was conceived in the most unpleasant situation, but the moment that I looked at those two blue lines that screamed that I was pregnant, I knew that I was going to swallow my pride and take care of my responsibility. Damn, I made a good decision because I was chosen to mother a beautiful, little girl who I named McKennah. Just as her name is soft, different (by my culture's standard b/c Jamariquana just wasn't an option) and graceful, so is my baby. I just wish that the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy was just as such.
I remember how hard and upsetting it was for me to lug loads of laundry downstairs and around my apartment building when I was pregnant. And how much I wish I had a husband to sit in on my doctor's appointment, rub my belly while watching TV and running to the store to get me some watermelon to satisfy my cravings. But, that wasn't the case...at all! Aside from my mom, sister and a few close friends, I went through my pregnancy alone. What made things that much more unbearable was the fact that I worked with my daughter's father (sorry but I despise the term 'babydaddy") Ok, talk about awkward! That was some craziness, but I carried myself with respect and grace, and honey talk about patience! I should've gotten the Noble Peace Prize because a sister was noble for being gracious enough not to bash his windshield in, at peace because I accepted my situation and realized that I was carrying a wonderful prize in my little belly. But, I couldn't be 100% mad at him because I fell for the ookie-dok and spread my legs open. You know I'm right. Don't sit there and act like I'm the only one who did that! LOL
Seriously, years have passed and he eventually came around, but I still have hardships and frustrations of raising my daughter with a part-time father. The shit ain't fun, plain and simple. I can't help to think how things would've been if I did things the right way and waited to get married and then have a child, you know? So, I pose this simple question to you - if you could do it all over again - the right way- would you? Tell me how you feel.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
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2 comments:
Being a single mother is one of the hardest job anyone can do. And if you don't have any support, it is a miracle that women can raise honest, dependable, smart, contributions to society. But yet they do. You don't get recognized,as you should. You don't get paid, as you should. But somehow, by the Grace of God, you do make it. There is a special in place in heavan for Single Mothers that do right by their children.
bw
http:///www.trailblazer-firstlady.blogspot.com
I agree. I hear all the time by married mothers of how they commend single mothers because they see how difficult it is eventhough they have a husband to help out. Some of us are single mothers by choice or by circumstance, but either way I like your notion that there's a special place in heavan for us.
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